You Will Love Your Crooked Neighbor, With Your Crooked Heart

Hello to everyone! This seems to be the common thing to do among my nerdfighter friends, so I figured I would join in. It’s a more in-depth about me section. Before I start, let me just say, I’m quite horrible at this, and my story isn’t that interesting. For those that would like to, read on. Those that don’t, well on to pretty pictures. One more note before I start: I’m completely open and honest to those who have questions that they wish to ask me. So please, if you have anything you want to ask me, please don’t hesitate. And now, I begin.

The basic information, I’m Alex, 21, Nerdfighter, and loving it with all my heart. I write a bit, although it’s more like playing, and when I’m not writing, I’m on the internet or working. I work as a server at a place where the people serving your food are better dressed than you half the time. Now on to the boring details.

I grew up in an amazing home, with an amazing family, being constantly pestered by my two older brothers. I will admit that it took me awhile to realize how much I love my family, and I will say that never once when I was little did I think that my family was great. I grew up in a Christian home, going to a Christian school, and I’m so thankful for that. I met my best friend when I was little, but we lost touch for awhile. 

I don’t remember much about being a kid. I remember little bits of trivial information, and I remember not having friends. I remember crying random nights because I was so alone, and I hated it so much, but other times, I was happy. I should have realized then that I was an introvert. The reason I was so unhappy was because I wanted to fit the mold that every child seemed to fill, surrounded by friends. That just wasn’t me. 

Elementary and Middle school went by in a flash of finding people that didn’t mind me tagging along with them, and some people that actually enjoyed my presence. It wasn’t until I reached High school, and went into the Youth Group at my church until I found this amazing group of friends. Somehow, I managed to re-find my best friend, and we’ve been inseparable ever since. Then I started high school, and met even more amazing people, as nerdy and introverted as myself, yet vastly different in an amazing way. I lost my grandmother on my Father’s side, and broke a promise to her, which is discussed in an earlier post. I met my first boyfriend, and learned so much from him. 

People always seem to regret time spent with exes, and start to resent them. I don’t. I still love my exes, and I only want to thank them for what they’ve taught me. There’s a post already on here about what I would like to say to an ex, so I’ll leave it at that.

High school was another blur of introversion and sadness because I wasn’t like every other person, and trying to hide my differences, and act happy at all times. Before I knew it, I graduated alongside a lot of people I loved, and some I didn’t, and some I felt indifferent about. In the moment after graduation, when we were walking off the stage, handing our rule over to the new seniors, none of that mattered. We were infinite in that moment, a solid group of people who shared a common accomplishment. Bonded in that moment, no matter how we felt about on another.

I started college, with a small idea of where I wanted to go in life, and what I wanted to study, but I had doubts, as I still do, about what I truly want in life. I was studying Health Sciences, but I have a passion for writing and photography. I met my second (now ex) boyfriend through my mum’s friend at work. We had an amazing year and a half, but he made me doubt my decision even more, telling me he didn’t think I could do it, and that it wasn’t for me. He introduced me to Harry Potter, and I instantly fell in love with the series, although now it’s difficult for me to enjoy it, because it brings up memories of the first dates with him. 

I lost my grandmother on my mum’s side recently. And I still have so many emotions about it. I’m dreading Christmas, because I don’t want to remember that day. I don’t want to remember saying goodbye. I don’t want to remember how sick she was. I don’t want to remember having to open her gifts for her, because she was so weak she couldn’t do it herself. She hung on so she could give us our presents, and see her favorite holiday with her family she loved so dearly. There are still days when the phone rings, and I expect her voice to greet me, but it doesn’t. More on that when I can handle writing about it without crying.

I learned so much from my grandmother. I learned how important it is to tell people you love them. She always told us. That’s something I don’t do enough. You don’t always know when you’ll say it for the last time. On from this.

Now, I’m dealing with small things that pale in comparison to what other people deal with. Minor OCD. Like, I go on bouts where I have to organize. I compulsively reorganize and rearrange my room. Also, I’m becoming more introverted, which I’m indifferent about. The most annoying of all is Noise Anxiety. I know it sounds incredibly lame and stupid, but it’s kinda a big problem. Take small thing, like someone eating chips. The crunching bothers me. It stresses me out. Any small repetitive sounds make me feel anxious and annoyed. Half the time, I’m convinced that the person is doing it on purpose. Any sound you hear, seems 100 times louder to me. It makes movies stressful, going out to eat is difficult, and mealtimes almost unbearable. Too much? I agree.

I’m now studying Elementary Education, and it’s such an amazing experience, and the major is such an awesome fit for my personality and passions. I’m still writing, and I still have the dreams of being published one day. I guess my Ex was right. I was not cut out for Health Sciences. I can still help people, and I’m so excited for that.

Recently, I’ve gotten to know these amazing Nerdfighters in my area. Skyping and Synchtubing with these people has been an amazing experience, and I always look forward to it.

So now, there’s me. A small history of who I am, and what I’ve experienced. I’m a person who is insecure always. I’m afraid I annoy people when I talk to them. I don’t think I’m gorgeous. I’m a typical girl in that regard. Insecure, low self-esteem, self-depreciation. It’s what gets me through the day some days. And that’s sad, I know. And now, I leave you. If you have read this whole thing, thank you, and I love you guys!